Laughing, losing and learning: All part of the game of growing up
A christmas delight: Kevin Herod's next show at the Comedy Bar will help get you in the holy-jolly mood.
In Grade 3, Kevin Herod proudly marched to school clutching The Two Detectives, his first movie script. He thought for sure it was grade “A” material. When his teacher handed it back to him, full of corrections, Herod felt like he had failed.
“I was one of those kids that wished the teacher said, ‘Hey this is a good story.’ She only corrected the spelling mistakes, but in my mind it was like the story was bad. But, it actually influenced me to do better the next time,” he said.
From sports to report cards, a child learns that losing and failing are part of life. Stuart Shanker, a research professor of philosophy and psychology at York University, considers losing the most important stepping-stone in a child’s development. From learning to walk, an infant will fall before it can stand strong. A parent cannot always be there to pick up the pieces or protect a child from losing, failing or struggling.
“Whatever the activity is, you have to learn how to do it… you’ve got to take risks. You’ve got to face the fact that you might fail because that is the nature of life,” Shanker explained. “And you may fail over and over. Success and satisfaction comes from picking yourself up and trying again and mastering it.”
While Herod’s strength in dealing with failure may have started with The Two Detectives, the now-seasoned comedian and scriptwriter chose his career despite the risks of getting booed off stage; he loves the hecklers.
“One time I was booed and it actually settled me down,” he said. “I was really nervous and not prepared and having the chance to make a joke at the heckler made me relax and do my show.”
Charles Pascal, an early learning advisor for the Ontario government, has a passion for lifelong learning. He feels the lessons learned throughout childhood form a strong and resilient individual.
“Everything we are as an adult grows from the child we were,” he said.
Pascal believes any mistake a child makes builds confidence. It is the support that a parent gives a child that creates the confidence to learn to lose.
“You don’t want to teach people how to lose, but you want to teach people how to bounce back from mistakes,” Pascal said. “Losing is about learning.”
Shanker and Pascal both agree the most important thing is the effort a person puts into any activity. The worry lies in whether support exists for the child, and if it is the right kind of support.
“Parents protect children too much for fear of harming their self-esteem, but you need to want the child to not give up,” Shanker said.
Carly Hendry, a second year university student deals with stress and anxieties easily. She always had a strong support system from her parents. Her mother would put any failures into perspective for her. Hendry hates to lose, but finds strength in the lessons she learned growing up.
“My mother helped me see that many things are not the end of the world and made me able to use mind over matter,” she explained. “My father made me question what I did wrong and try to motivate me to do better the next time.”
Though Hendry had two different ways to deal with a problem, she finds that she uses the two techniques even to this day.
According to Shanker, it is the process of learning when it comes to losing that builds a healthy mind and understanding. From this understanding, both self-esteem and perseverance grow.
“It’s struggling with something you find that is difficult and not giving up and moving on to the next thing,” Shanker said.
Hendry had no problem finding the strength to persevere.
“I believe it is the strength my parents instilled in me by helping me and showing me their strength that gets me through a rough time,” she said.
Pascal and Shanker both feel people shouldn’t be afraid of losing, but instead see it as a lesson learned.
Herod feels it created a burning inside he could not ignore. He loves storytelling and will use any medium he can. And failing that first time only fueled the desire.
“I’m glad I didn’t have the ability to do my first feature film script when I was eight,” Herod said. “You know, it’s like that first pancake you make, it always comes out bad.”
